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I wish to reference my remarks to: Power Relationships in Families Richard B. Miller, PhD Director of the School of Family Life Brigham Young University.
Discipline is probably one of the most important elements in which a mother and father can lead and guide and direct their children…. Setting limits to what a child can do means to that child that you love him and respect him. If you permit the child to do all the things he would like to do without any limits, that means to him that you do not care much about him (Spencer W. Kimball, TSWK pp. 340, 341).
With regard to discipline, I lived the failure of this principle many years ago when the mother of my children and I were having troubles and divorce was imminent. I will not say that my children were bad kids but they struggled mentally as they watched their mother and I struggle. They began to play their mother and I against each other in a way that would help ease their own mental anguish. In a time when I felt I was becoming soft toward my children in the area of discipline, I found comfort in statements like the paragraph posted above.
I found myself wanting to befriend them instead of parent them. When I would read statements like the following, my heart would be pricked with guilt:
“God forbid that there should be any of us so unwisely indulgent, so thoughtless and so shallow in our affection for our children that we dare not check them in a wayward course, in wrong-doing and in their foolish love for the things of the world more than for the things of righteousness, for fear of offending them (Joseph F. Smith, Gospel Doctrine, p. 286).”
Dr. Miller writes: “Do not be afraid to set clear moral standards and guidelines. Be sure to say no when it is needed. As Dr. John Rosemond counseled: “Give your children regular, daily doses of Vitamin N. This vital nutrient consists simply of the most character-building two-letter word in the English language––‘'No’ . . . Unfortunately, many, if not most, of today’s children suffer from Vitamin N deficiency. They have been over-indulged by well-meaning parents who have given them far too much of what they want and far too little of what they truly need”
“Sometimes a parent forms a coalition with a child against the other parent. Although usually unspoken, a parent undermines the other parent. It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children. If parents disagree on parenting issues, they should discuss the issues in an “executive session” without the children present. Children often try to play their parents off of each other. Consequently, it is important that parents make sure that they are working together and making decisions that are consistent with each other. “
You might ask: How did my children turn out? I can’t say that they were perfect children but they are good children. It took me years to stop blaming myself for the bad decisions they made. I attributed their bad decisions on the divorce and the way I parented them. This idea was not a healthy way for me to cope. When my children were young, I did everything the church suggests to raise children strong in the gospel. We had family home evening and scripture study. They were involved in every church activity. We had family counsels and family dates. I had high hopes that they would go on missions. All three of my sons are currently not going to church. They have pursued a different direction than I had hoped for them. I took their defiance to church personally. I had much growing to do and I have to admit that my behavior was not only unhealthy but spiritual demeaning as well. I have come a long way since that time. I now feel healthy and strong spiritually. I pray for my children. Most importantly I don’t judge my children and love them unconditionally. I strive to live my life as an example of a disciple of Christ. I have a long way to go but I have also come a long way through the atonement of Jesus Christ. 
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