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I am married to the most godly person I have every known. We have never had an argument in our marriage. We have had disagreements plenty. Some disagreements have resulted in hurt feelings. However, all of our potentially contentious discussions start with a prayer which make a huge difference in the outcome.
I recently said some things without thinking that hurt my wife. In the course of our discussion, my wife asked me how I was feeling. I sheepishly admitted that I was feeling contentious. We were both willing to admit that contention is a tool of Satan to cause a wedge in a marriage. We invited the Spirit of the Lord to guide and teach us and came out of the discussion with a different feeling of Love.
I will admit that this type of discussion has happened over and over again. It is typically Me (the man) that initiates the contention in our discussions. I am beginning to learn the Lord’s way of resolve.
This brings me to a discussion centered on charity in marriage.
I would like to start this discussion with a quote from Goddard's book "Drawing Heaven Into Your Marriage." I related perfectly to his illustration. I see this time and again in my own marriage.
Goddard explains how his wife is the kindest person He has ever known--bar none. He further explains that his companion is far better than He knew and far finer than He deserved. He cannot imagine his life without her. Goddard then poses a question that requires serious reflection. "Why is it that I sometimes get irritated, impatient or judgmental of my dear companion? How can I explain patches of discontent?"
Goddard then makes a very profound observation: "After decades of episodic analyzing and blaming, I have discovered that my feelings about Nancy are not as much a measure of her as of me. Just as our feelings about God are a good measure of our faith, so our feelings about our companions are a reliable gauge to our personal goodness." "The only way to build a truly healthy marriage is by being a truly good person--to be changed in our very natures."
Marvin J. Ashton explained: "Perhaps the greatest charity comes when we are kind to each other, when we don't judge or categorize someone else, when we simply give each other the benefit of the doubt or remain quiet. Charity is accepting someone's differences, weaknesses, and shortcomings; having patience with someone who has let us down."
Every one of us is a beggar at the throne of heavenly grace. Every one of us needs forgiveness for sins. So we come to Christ. We fall at His feet and weep with humble recognition of our failings. We anoint His feet with everything precious we have. We know we do not deserve the kindness He shows and the forgiveness He grants. But we are grateful for every encouragement. We are all dependent upon his charity.
Why don’t we give the same charity to our spouse’s that Christ gives to us?
One of the most impactful Sentences from Goddard's book was; "Surely what a man does when he is taken off his guard is the best evidence for what sort of man he is."
He further goes on to say...Negative reactions are a choice--a choice to see in a human judgmental way. But we can also choose to see in a heavenly and loving way. That choice makes all the difference. Charity can be the lens through which we see each other."
President Benson stated" "You do change human nature, your own human nature, if you surrender it to Christ. …. And only Christ can change it."
Without the great institution of marriage, we cannot experience all that our Father in Heaven wants us to know and learn in this life.
Marriage is God's finishing school for the godly soul. Marriage is ordained to stretch and refine us.
May we come unto Christ and receive and recognize in humility the charity that he so willingly bestows upon our unworthy souls. May we recognize the pattern that Christ has set to apply toward our spouse’s and families.
Once again I am reminded that negative reactions to our spouses are a choice. The change in my human nature has to come by surrendering to Christ. Christ is the only one who can change our fallen nature. I recognize that Satan wants to destroy my marriage and Christ will save my marriage.
What is my choice? I choose charity.
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