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A marriage that is moving toward a path of infidelity can be due to many different problems within the marriage.
I want to talk about saving a marriage of the potentials of infidelity.
I speak of personal experience.
I am a once divorced man whom is now happily remarried. My previous marriage had roots that led to dissatisfaction, selfishness and loneliness. There is not a single person to blame for our demise and many lessons have been taught me which shaped my attitudes to the future I now live.
Change in a hazardous relationship is not easy and neither spouse can hope to change the other person. Instead, spouses can commit to making changes in their individual behavior. They can also commit to seeking the Lord’s help through the power of the Atonement in order to become their best selves, for their own sake and for the sake of their spouses.
Problems in any marriage can build over time. Communication barriers will exist. Often infidelity may occur. This can be very innocent at first.
Kenneth W. Matheson, Professor, School of Social Work, Brigham Young University has stated:
In my case, my spouse was unwilling to work toward a resolve in our own relationship because she quite innocently found a good man friend at her work. Her man friend became her feeling of comfort and security to calm her needs. She would receive phone calls from him at our home and shyly called him a “friend” and “it was no big deal.” I didn’t think much of it at first because I wanted to trust her but my gut and feelings were sending a different message.
Over a period of time, I was approached by my Bishop. Evidently the Bishop’s wife had seen my wife and her friend in a public place together holding hands. Shortly thereafter I caught them being intimate together.
(Does this story sound familiar?)
What have I learned?
Trust and loyalty have to be rebuilt. A Married couple needs to make it safe to verbalize feelings, frustrations, and perceptions to each other without the fear of being judged. When couples have a disagreement, they need to learn how to focus on the problem rather than attack each other. They need to learn to emphasize the positives in their relationship rather than focus on the negatives. They will begin to acknowledge the efforts made by each other and not just the outcome.
The first problem was my spouse began to seek her co-worker’s emotional support rather than coming to me for support.
In Spencer W. Kimball, Faith Precedes the Miracle, He stated that the spouse should become preeminent in the life of the husband or wife. Neither social life nor occupational life nor political life nor any other interest nor person nor thing shall ever take precedence over the companion spouse.
We live with the consequences of our choices. My plea to you is that if your marriage is on the edge of existence, there will always be hope. Turn to your spouse, even if the circumstances are difficult. Rely upon the atonement of Jesus Christ to heal you. Lastly, You can change you.
